Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
