i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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