I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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