it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
