How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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