have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize