$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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