Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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