i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
