Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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