i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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