I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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