The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What a dumb baby whore.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
