you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
