you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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