did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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