I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
