remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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