If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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