sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
