That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
