We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
