He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
