I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
