my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Girls should come with a carfax report
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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