But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
