Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
PANTIES FOUND
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