Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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