i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My hairdresser wonβt do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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