The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
