You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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