my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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