): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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