So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
