How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are my feet made of real feet?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
