i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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