forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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