my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
