That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
