Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
