You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
