I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
