He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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