I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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