3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Vodka?
Forever.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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