don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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