just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
