By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
