Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
