i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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