While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
