The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will be naked everywhere
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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