ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
