the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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