She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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