I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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