what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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