Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
