The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
