it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
