I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
