Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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