I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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