He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
