He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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