I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
