speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
