We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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