Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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