Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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