i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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