Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
