Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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