she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
