ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
