it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
