Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
