I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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