My room smells like vodka and shame
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
