So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she pinky promised me she was 18
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
