there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
