Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
