just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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