He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize