So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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