Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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