I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
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last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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