If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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